How to live your best life every day
Using happiness as your metric for success
Happiness, as defined by google, means “the state of being happy, as in ‘she struggled to find happiness in her life.’”
First off, I have a problem with this definition. Why is the example negative (struggled to find it)? And why does it have to be a ‘she’? Like happiness is less attainable for women? Call me nit-picky, whatever - I’m just pointing it out. The fact is, Google can’t even properly relay happiness to us in a gender-inclusive, positive way so I’m not shocked that people don’t take much stock in understanding what exactly being happy means for them, specifically. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Also, happiness isn’t something you have to go out and “find” - that’s called conditioning. We’re conditioned to believe that it’s not an internal job. That we’re not already whole. We’ve come to operate from this place where we can’t have happiness unless we randomly stumble across it or something external causes it – like productivity, for example. I know I’ve had the thought that, “If I work out, eat right, and meditate – that will make me happy. I have to eat ‘healthy’ and be productive first.” Happiness has become one of those abstract things that we continuously look for outside of ourselves and place on a ridiculous pedestal, solely for everyone else to see. We feel the need to say, “Look how happy I am! See my expensive things? See how many followers I have? I’m so happy.” As if just being happy isn’t quite enough. It has to be validated. And even when are happy, it’s short lived! Vine videos were longer. We snap that photo for social media, hashtaglivingmybestlife, and continue on the hunt. We ultimately fall victim to doing or purchasing something else to make us even happier. Advertising really slays when it’s selling you happiness.
So, how can have something that’s presence is largely marked by its absence and is so consistently marketed as contingent on external factors?
No wonder it’s defined as unattainable.
It’s an inside job.
What if happiness came first, and then everything else could follow? Think about it. It is possible, if you reprogram your belief system. What would that kind of reality look like for you? And in considering what that looks like, are you envisioning your happiness or success based off someone else’s reality? It’s said, and for good reason, that, “comparison is the thief of joy.” This is high up on my list of the truest things I’ve ever heard. Happiness, much like anything valuable and free, cannot be compared to anyone else’s state of being. We’re all so vastly different - which is the beautiful thing about being alive, regardless of what lies political parties or standardized tests try to feed you. It just can’t be compared. You are not comparable. We set ourselves up for disappointment that way. The same can be said about success, which is defined by Google as “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose; the attainment of popularity or profit; a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity.” (side note: no positive references to females in these examples either – I see you, subliminal patriarchal society). Accomplishment, attainment, achievement… these are all action words. We are so conditioned to believe that success is contingent on how much you do, external occurrences, or the recognition for something beyond yourself from other people and we’re encouraged to follow along the path to achieve it. That sounds exhausting.
We all signed up for these lives individually. If we were meant to achieve happiness or success in the same way, we would have all been born on the same day, at the same time, in the same place, the same gender and ethnicity. I think I saw a movie about this once, but I can’t even remember because it was SO BORING.
There are a million quotes on Pinterest boards an uplifting social media accounts about being happy where you are and achieving success… These are just words – why do we expend so much energy searching for them? And what if I told you that you didn’t have to?
Create your own definitions.
The shift towards ending my own search for external happiness and success literally did happen over night for me. PSYCH-K® has given me the tools to easily identify which societal influences I’ve been programmed to operate from and quickly change them. It IS that simple - anyone telling you that growth has to be a long process or difficult is just projecting their own limiting beliefs onto you. I balanced to trust myself, the decisions I make, and believing that the Universe works in my favor and it has been completely life altering. That is the reality I wanted to create, one where I decide what is best for me, and what I would enjoy doing most with my time, without comparing it to someone else’s version. I used to get so wrapped up in other people’s perfectly curated social media platforms that I lost track of my own internal compass. PSYCH-K® 100% helped me get that back.
We were all born a complete success, despite what the world has told us. The mere fact that we have made it this far is proof. Waking up intentionally happy, every single day, is my personal metric for success - and it’s not crazy! It’s entirely reasonable if you give yourself permission to. It is enough. In fact, this is how I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life, because why the f*ck not?! Ask 6-year-old Natalie what she wanted to be when she grew up and she would’ve said a pop star but ask almost-30-year-old Natalie and she would say “happy” (which is a perfect example of why your life isn’t defined by your childhood). It doesn’t matter what career I choose or the things I own, because those things are not a part of who I innately am. They are choices. I get to choose every day to focus my energy in ways that are authentically ‘me.’ It is wildly freeing to live life as a major success every single day with my own definition of happiness as the standard I set.
Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a pop star, but I am v grateful for aging because the older I get, the less focus I place on other people’s definitions of happiness or success, especially Google’s. I’m not just a nameless search engine user. I’m a unique soul that has chosen to come to this earth and live this life and grow from these lessons because I signed up for them. I get to decide how this plays out, fate aside. The key is shifting your belief system. Regularly allow yourself to pause and decide whether or not you feel successful in any given moment by asking yourself, “Is this contributing to who I am or who I think I should be? Does this bring me joy?” Marie Kondo is on to something, guys. She’s a smart lady and her approach applies to way more than your legging drawer. Success and happiness are in the everyday things! If you can ditch the conditioning that tells you that you have to have, do, or be something or someone else other than who you are, and instead listen to yourself, then you will have achieved them. You are your own best expert. Everything lies in you being exactly who you are and f*cking owning it. Even through life’s ups and downs, you are completely capable of waking up in a perpetual state of sunshine when you know you are living and operating in a way that is most authentically you. Trust yourself.
This is how to live your best life. Every. Day.
You are not a victim to the world we live in because you chose to be here. You can write your own story, and live out your own narrative, and be just as happy and successful as your wildest dreams. Sometimes I even think this is the over-arching lesson for everyone in this life. We start out as our truest selves, absorb the societal/familial conditioning growing up, and then spend adulthood (hopefully) undoing it all until we finally come back to where we began. Do yourself a favor: take the time now to figure out what brings you the most joy, in every moment, and go for it, so you don’t end up looking back and wishing that you had. The more you use your energy doing things you love to do and pursuing the ideas and dreams that get you out of bed in the morning, the more the Universe will conspire in your favor. Show it that you’re serious! Life is too precious - let’s bypass the struggle. It can be very easy to disregard what any marketing ploy or social media influencer is trying to sell you on the sidelines when you already know and trust yourself. Your happiness/success cannot be bought because it will always be an inside job. I’m telling you, you’ve already got it all… you just have to figure out what that means for you. Show up, every day, as yourself, and trust that it is enough.